Gonnas: Trials & Troubles

I’m going to let this photo speak for itself as much as I can. Obviously, I am miserable. Oh, explain you say? Gotcha.

I woke up yesterday feeling 1000% better than I had the previous two days. I’d gotten a full night’s sleep and my pain seemed to be gone. I went downtown to see my roommate, pay bills (gonna #1), and then headed to Strawberry Hill for a quick walk (gonna #2).
I slipped on my tennis shoes and got through the walk pretty swiftly, taking my usual break at the overlook to rest and enjoy the scenery. I took off down the last stretch, which is a decline. I wasn’t exerting too much energy past the forces gravity had upon me when I was slapped backward in the chest.
Not by a branch or even a hobo living in the woods. No, by my own heart, reminding me that I have some kind of arrhythmia that eludes medical science. It didn’t want me to move on, even though it had been two years. Selfish of it, eh?
I called my dad who talked me down, then my mom who let me cry. I don’t know who said exercising on an empty stomach was a good idea, but I want my money back. And my day. And my night, the one I’m losing as I sit here, chest sore, scared to close my eyes.
Even after an assuring phone call from Marigold (because stepmother just sounds so wrong), I feel uneasy inside. I feel exhausted. But most of all, I feel upset that my day of gonnas was derailed.
I know that it was best of me not to force myself to do anything else, but part of me can’t help but feel guilty. I feel like I’m breaking a promise to everyone who reads this. And more importantly, I feel like I’m breaking a promise to myself.
I know I have to get better, but I don’t want to give up on the chance of normalcy. And I absolutely, positively, damn-sure don’t want to give up on this project. It has to be seen through, even if I have to take baby steps. I just hope that I’m a little less Bob about it.
Today, I’m gonna: pack up and drive home, do a few resumés, and hang out with family and friends who can respect that I need a slow speed for a little while.
(P.S. I was serious about those letters/emails/texts of encouragement. While remarks upon my radiance alone are fine, you may also comment on my never-ending wit and my impressive pop-culture knowledge. If I like it enough, I might buy you a pizza.*)


  1. I totally dig (like) the intention of your blog! It is cool to observe your progress with the challenges you put to yourself: pushing back the frontiers of knowledge, undaunted by the mocking throngs, marching forward to glory accomplishing personal “Gonna” goals, be they grand or humble!

    Meanwhile, is there a master “Gonna” list somewhere? I mean, in baseball they say, “You can't enjoy the game without a program”…it'd be cool to follow your progress, sort of keep score…applaud your victories, cheer you on when challenged…that kind of thing…

    Sincerely, I'm more eclectic than anonymous, you can tune in part of me at http://www.twitter.com/king_of_Ds

    Anon Ymous (AKA – The King of Ds)

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