Gonnas: Bleeding Onto the Digital Page

I realized sometime between watching Jimmy Fallon, scouring classifieds in The Village Voice, and sobbing over various Michael Giacchino scores from “Lost” that I am at quite the standstill.

I am in post-grad job limbo, which combined with new-apartment, new-city limbo makes for quite the stressful situation, at least in my head. It’s a war-zone in there right now, boys.
I completed about one-third of my gonnas yesterday because my mind just kept floating away to these situations that aren’t tangible to the touch, but are as real as it gets. I ran errands and cleaned. I saw my friends.
But I just couldn’t cut it on the other gonnas. I couldn’t finalize business trip plans because I wasn’t getting the kind of feedback I needed to properly plan. I couldn’t finish resumés because I was frustrated about the business trip. I couldn’t read for enjoyment because I was only thinking about finding more jobs to apply for and what kind of strategy would finally land me one.
Don’t worry, I’m not Sylvia Plath over here. Greater than her writing skills are her whining skills. Whining isn’t a good look on anyone, so let me say this now: I’m not searching for sympathy, I’m just being honest. I’m not sad, I’m just discouraged. And I am certainly not about to write a mound of self-pity like that “Eat, Pray, Love” chick. Come on, Elizabeth. Are we really supposed to feel bad for someone embarking on a ’round the world adventure?
I refuse to throw my towel in with these kind of people. I just have to keep on movin’ until I find my solid ground. I have to force some motion out of this standstill. I have to be my own planner, friend, and supporter. You know, girl power or something like that.
Today I’m gonna promise to take things as they come from now on. I’m gonna be a better advocate for myself, even if that just means taking procrastination off that glistening pedestal I’ve had it on for years. I’m gonna reflect on what I want and what I need before I take anymore concrete action on the gonnas I have queued up.


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