I think everyone is probably getting an extremely good idea of why I started this blog to begin with: I am really, terribly, extremely horrible at follow-through. I even started writing this entry over 12 hours ago and I’m just getting around to finishing it.
It’s not that I haven’t been doing anything. I’ve been avidly noting that I’ve been doing everything for an obnoxious amount of entries now. It’s just that I don’t manage my time correctly. I never have. I almost always pick staying in over going out. In my mind, it’s 140% justified to sit in front of the TV for a prolonged period of time and do nothing but play Words With Friends.
But then I got a job and something strange happened. I had to repress my lazy and hide it deep inside my soul. I choose to go out instead of stay in, maybe even to my own detriment, because I have to. (Even though lazy is what I love, and working hard should mean you have more reasons to be lazy, and really, who’s to say what’s lazy and what’s not? REALLY?)
Backtracking: I propel myself forward into reality now instead of hiding from it because I remember, every day, that I have less time to be me outside of work than I did before. That means I have to cram active me and lazy me into the same space, whereas before they had their own luxurious bedrooms. Now they’re awkwardly lying arm to arm in a twin bed. It’s a clusterfuck, and even though lazy me wants to push active me over the side and onto the floor, she knows that industrious little bitch would get right back up and punch her square in the nose. Lazy knows that Active can’t stand the thought of having one identity and one identity only, especially if said identity is Work.
So all the parts of me ban together and go, go, go. I am running around crossing errands off my list when time allows. I’m spending time with family and friends and cute people and my dog. I’m traveling. I’m playing 50 times harder than I’m working. Why? Because the thought of losing important aspects of myself by letting Lazy take the reigns is exponentially more terrifying than not catching up on Parks and Rec right away. (I never thought that sentence would come out of my mouth… ever.)
Those important parts of me are all still fighting for their place in the spotlight. I still haven’t set up the Etsy shop I wanted to for my photography. Hell, I haven’t been doing as much photography as I’d like. I haven’t been cooking or cleaning as much, which are, oddly enough, two things I miss dearly. I haven’t been DIY’ing, unless rampant bookmarking counts. Most importantly, I haven’t been paying attention to my blogs, which, believe it or not, are extremely important to me. Writing is one of the biggest aspects of me. When I can’t do it because I just can’t stand to stare at the computer screen one second longer or I pass out mid-sentence, I feel incomplete. Worse, I’ve already expressed how down-and-out I get when I don’t have material for my readers to enjoy (or enjoy making fun of).
Luckily, the battle waging inside of me is slowing down. I’m starting to find a balance and I know eventually, there will be room for it all again. I won’t always be so rushed. I won’t always be absent from this blog. I won’t ever be just Rachel the Worker.
In the meantime, I have to ask you bitches to keep up your end of the deal. I told you you had permission to berate me for falling off, for not keeping my promises. I told you to kick my ass and send me crazy emails and attack me in the streets for any ineptness on my part. I’m giving you a free place to be a jerk. TAKE IT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!
Today I’ve already worked and done yoga, so tonight I’m gonna clean my room and watch “Moonwalker.” Tomorrow I’m gonna to wake up refreshed and make more time to do the things that make me, me.