We never think we’re going to be the ones to miss out on fulfilling our dreams. “I’ll be the one who makes it. I will get that CEO’s desk, that TV pilot, that slot at the motherfucking MOMA!” Each and every one of us just knows that we’re never gonna surrender. Oh…. but then we do. The moment comes where we have to compromise or postpone that first step in a lifelong goal, and when it does, it’s surreal.
I’ve hit this type of unsavory speed bump recently. It’s not that I’m complaining about my position in life. I’m actually happy for a number of reasons, and I would be full of shit (or completely ungrateful) if I didn’t acknowledge how privileged I am. I am simply always striving for more, perhaps in vain, but probably because I know there is more out there, waiting. There are places to see, things to discover!
But the reality for all of us is that to send yourself out into the world and do what you love, you often have to do something you hate, or kinda-sorta-maybe like, to fund yourself. Even the funnest of jobs can’t replace the career you’ve dreamed of since you were old enough to remember.
I’ve written about this before, but we’ve all been tricked into thinking that we can just do whatever we want, whenever we want, by the generation that came before us. We’re lulled into a false sense of entitlement and we’re seriously alarmed when we don’t find it waiting for us after graduation day. Instead of sitting pretty, boozing and living it up “Mad Men” style, we’re behind cash registers at grocery stores we don’t even shop at when our cabinets run dry. We dull our creativity, we convince ourselves it’s okay, and we take what we can in the hopes that one day we can be what we want.
Face it – selling your soul to the man, even for a short period of time, is unsettling. The idea of having to feed into a machine you know is broken is almost stupid. No, fuck that. It IS stupid. I’m tired of being stupid.
I want to write and here I am doing it. I’m not doing it nearly as often as I’d like though, because I have to fill my days with the responsible shit adults are supposed to do, left with only the energy to do anything but afterward. However, that’s not really good enough anymore. Like I said, I’m always wanting more, and it’s time to get it. Sure, I’ll continue this soul-selling gig, but I am finally making it secondary to the things and people I love, including this little ol’ blog.
And here we are: Yes, I am still around, but my schedule is so hectic and ever-changing that right now a to-do list would be impossible to construct and boring to read. I do, however, have an idea to fill the days where there is nothing to report.
What, like I’d tell you before I unveiled it? Psssh, please. You’re just gonna have to keep reading. Don’t front! You know you’re just as excited as when J.K. Rowling cryptically announced Pottermore.
I promise I’ll try to do a better job at the surprise aspect of the big reveal though. Coming to the Internet near you on Friday. See ya then…