My Journey to Life Goddessness

It’s really nice to have a job at all, especially a job I like, get paid well to do, and make a difference while doing (all on a super flexible schedule that actually encourages me to show up), but damn… I miss other things.

I feel like an animal emerging from its cave after a winter of hibernation. I’ve been in a black spiral of Lohan-level exhaustion for weeks, only strong enough to watch Lost with J in our blacked-out living room after finally escaping a building the temperature of Antarctica I’ve just worked in for 8+ hours. As much as I love Desmond Hume, his face just isn’t enough. There’s more out there, even if it’s not as pretty and has a distinct lack of Scottish accent.

I guess I’ve always wanted to be one of those annoying women who “does it all,” but I’m just now realizing how hard it is to be that way. Want a career, relationship, dogs, friends, craft time, TV time, family time, lazy time, writing time, shopping time, alone time, together time, nature time, cleaning time?!?!?! NO PROBLEM! You just have to defy sleep, hunger, thirst, gravity, and logic first.

I find myself being able to balance about three of these things tops before I pass out. Maybe it’s ’cause I can’t have stimulants or else my heart will explode, or maybe it’s just because no one person should ever be doing so much. Whatever it is, what the hell, bro? Why are you ruining my lifelong dream of being Martha Stewart Fucking Sunshine?!

“It’s a balancing act” is the most absurd description of perfect time management I’ve ever heard. “It’s a clusterfuck of semi-efficiency and manic struggle” is more like it, or so I’ve come to find. Sure, I’m many steps behind my evil, name-stealing twin RR, but I’m getting there. Here’s what I’ve learned so far:

  • I will probably never feel rested again.
  • I HAVE to train my heart to like caffeine. I’m reintroducing it to my system re: green tea because stuffing my face with sugar is not really giving me the energy boost I think it is.
  • I will never be ready in 10 minutes again because I have to water the plants, and give the dog his medicine, and DAMMIT IT, COOP, GET OUT OF THE WAY!, and pack my lunch, and find my other shoe, and HEY! I would look pretty with some make-up on for once, and while we’re at it, let’s just play dress up, and…
  • Clean hair is overrated.
  • So is being on time.
  • There are a lot more hours in the day after you leave work if you stop watching TV.
  • But TV is so good and requires no effort after a day full of it.
  • Whatever, bitch, get off your ass and go make a gift for your friend because she’s better than TV, even Lost.
  • NOTHING IS BETTER THAN LOST!
  • Lots of things in real life are WAY better than Lost even though I will never admit it, not even now. Wait…
  • I’m glad I live with J or else I would never have the chance to force him to snuggle me for the entirety of the 4 hours we’re both still conscious after work.
  • I will have to be an early to bed, early to rise person forever, so let’s just get our asses in bed already. Ugh.
  • Hey, Tumblr, I like really miss you. Maybe I should spend an hour on your iPhone app before I pass out.
  • I will always pass out before I get to look at Tumblr, or this blog, or anything other than the back of my eyelids.
  • THERE’S ALWAYS THE WEEKEND!!!!!

Happy Friday, everyone. I’m going to the land of Days-Where-All-the-Shit-I-Just-Listed-Doesn’t-Apply. See you on the other side, brotha.

What do y’all do to become domestic/life goddesses?

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3 comments

  1. I think you might be missing a D and having an extra N in the title, love. “Godnessness” really confused me until I figured that out, lol.

    My method for being a goddess is spacing out the stuff I want to do. I want all those separate times, too, but if I try to cram them all into a single day or week, I don't properly appreciate any of them. So say I want some nature time, or some craft time, or whatever. I'll set aside a few hours either after work or during the weekend, and indulge. Usually for nature time Patrick and I will go wander through some wooded areas for an hour or two. For painting, I'll make sure I have everything I need and then spend a lazy Saturday morning slopping paint onto canvas.

    I think not spacing things out is the downfall of many who wish to have it all. You CAN have everything, just not at once.

    Also, this: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/06/this-is-why-ill-never-be-adult.html

  2. Thanks, T. I have a super awful computer at work, and when I'm typing like the wind, I really need the spellcheck IE doesn't have! I had to download it and it still doesn't do its job, obviously.

    SIDENOTE: I LOVE THAT BLOG ENTRY!!! It's one of my favorites of all time/literally how I've lived most of my life.

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