Notes to Myself II

Clarity can come at the weirdest of times. Like when you’re chin deep in Trader Joe’s mini-pizzas, feeding your dog the extra pepperonis, talking about how damn sad you are. Also while wearing a sleeveless Gumby and Pokey shirt. Anyway, said clarity:

1. Sometimes a great friend will read your bullshit blog entry before this and remind you to keep your chin up. It will be when you’re grumpy and sad and lonely, and your pal will kind of tell you to man up because there ARE some friends who will always be there, and bad times won’t change that.

2. Adult life decisions can actually be easy if you just listen to yourself instead of the mental noise the world pushes in. I’ll update everyone on my career-related decision when I have more information to give!

3. 2012 has been really, incredibly hard on everyone. Can we just resolve to make 2013 easier for one another? THAT WOULD BE GREAT!

4. On that note, if you’ve had a hard time lately or at any time in 2012, I hope it gets better. I care. You matter. 2013 will be kind to you at least once. Once is all you need.

5. Anesthesia really takes its toll on your brain, including the part where you figure out anesthesia really takes a toll on your brain. I went out with my friends C & D the other night, the first time I’d seen them since my hospital stint. We were going over the details when I realized my inability to form words, coherent sentences, and apparently logical connections between things, was most likely due to being pumped full of serious sedatives a month ago. I knew my extreme, prolonged fatigue and my mood swings (sorry, everyone ever) had the ol’ ‘sthesia to blame, but only in that moment did I realize my recent more-than-usual idiocy had the drugs to blame, too.

6. Never underestimate the healing power of a shower, a good movie, and a warm holiday beverage.

7. Sometimes the universe will help you out when you desperately need it. Even though I want to cry all of the days after having to sell tickets to a Packers game at LAMBEAU, I also want to hug the hell out of whoever bought them and brought me back from the brink of personal bankruptcy.

8. And because sometimes you just need to be stupid and “Say Anything”-ish and courageous… All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be yourself because who you are is who I love, and I never, ever want that person to change. If I had enough poster board, this would be my “Love Actually” moment.

If Rick Grimes did it, so can I. NO SHAME IN MY GAME, BRO.
9. Being brave is terrifying, but fear is worse. I’m not a coward, but I can act like one. I can’t tell you how much better I feel when I take a chance (see #8) instead of letting fear hold me back, because that chance almost always leads to something magical. Like cupcakes or you know, love.
10. Taylor Kitsch.


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