Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by things I can’t even really identify. I had an amazing day at work, and then the further I got away from the parking lot, the more lonely I felt.
I thought maybe it was the idea of coming back to an empty home, but I got here and I was comforted to see my digs and hear my dog whining for me.
I thought then that maybe it was because I’d missed them–my home and my pup, so I spent some time wandering the grounds with him and felt at ease, but still found no relief.
I thought perhaps it was that I missed my other half, but then I talked to him and though my loneliness was alleviated, the emptiness remained.
I thought maybe it could be that I haven’t seen too much of anyone in a while because we’re all growing up, moving out, living life… but then I realized that I don’t want to see some of those people, and those I do, well, I’m happy we’re all making and thriving in our own spots in the world.
I thought it was that my students, who have become family, are graduating in less than a month, leaving me with this vastly empty nest. And while I think that’s most of where this feeling of being a lone island stems from, there’s still this lingering sense of longing I can’t brush away.
I don’t know what it is. Maybe I’m not living my dream, not reaching my full potential. Maybe I’ll never know.
Whatever it is, even the champagne can’t quench the loneliness it brings.