Mystery (NOT) Solved, Part II


Last time, I talked about how I knew what was going on, and how I was hopeful I’d find a good doc. Update: I still know what’s going on, it’s just that now there’s MORE going on, and I have a distinct LACK of control of what symptoms will hit and when. One night, my nausea kept me up all hours, and two days later, I felt like I was totally fine. I have high high’s, low low’s, and a LARGE number of in-between days where I constantly go up, and down, or feel sorta blah without a big “UGH” moment. How do you solve something that changes every day? Oh, and also, NO GOOD DOCTORS YET!

The answer to all of this should easily be go to a doctor and get them to solve your mystery with you, perhaps even for you, right? But the sad truth is, there are just a lot of doctors, especially when you don’t live in a big city, who really don’t know what they’re doing. Worse, they don’t listen to you when you say you have some ideas that you’d at least like to rule out… even if that advice is from a veteran nurse or another doctor. WHAT?!

To boot, when you’re searching for answers on the professional end, there are a LOT of people (personally) who seem to be baffled that you can’t just be better. This was a phenomena I once deemed only applicable to invisible illnesses, like mental health. However, it appears unless your head is falling off or you have a boil the size of a newborn baby on your shoulder, people will still doubt your physical ailments.

This, I know, shouldn’t matter. But when my bones ache and my fatigue sets in, when my stomach wrenches into knots and my depression is acting up, when I am close-to-vomiting non-stop and I miss a work day or a girls day or {insert whatever else here}, the last thing I and other sufferers of ails need is to feel that doubt. People say things to imply “You could have made yourself better,” “you could have helped this because it’s in your control,” or “you are a burden and I don’t believe you;” sometimes they say it right out! And maybe it’s just my anxiety, but it cuts to the core of me when I genuinely have a out-of-my-hands health issue and I am met with doubtful words. It actually makes me feel worse, and I know I’m not alone in that.

The only thing that gets me through is thinking of the other people in the world who suffer in the same way, knowing that we have each other’s backs. I think of the few people who always understand me, and give me helpful advice instead of dismissing me. I think on a future time when I know I will be better, thanks to these people and one smashing doctor, and the people who doubted me will see what a change there has been. Most of all, I think of a time when I can wake up rested and at peace. And that, even through all the obstacles and doubtful faces, gets me through the most because I can’t wait for the day I can wake up and live again.



    1. You may know me from Adrasteia’s blog. Yoroshiku! I totally feel everything that you’ve said here. I’ve been playing the doctor/med game since I was 13-14 years old. Multiple suicide attempts, self-harm, crippling depression, addiction, hospitalization, I pretty much run the spectrum… eh heh.

      None of them have the answer or the cure. I don’t mean to sound so bleak, but the whole system is ready to collapse from overburdened doctors as well as the constant budget cuts nationwide. An average medcheck appointment here (Massachusetts) runs 15 minutes, 20 on a good day. “Here’s your dope, you figure it out.”

      One on one therapy helps sometimes. If you find a good agency, try that and see if they offer any weekly groups or outreach, too. Groups are incredibly therapeutic after the awkwardness wears off. I attended a great one called IMR (Illness Management Recovery) and I began actually looking forward to going every week.

      One last resource is to find your closest NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) chapter. They may be able to help you out.

      Feel free to stop by my blog: and leave a comment even if it’s not related to the topic at hand. Always willing to do what I can to help people from falling to the lows I’ve hit… :3


  1. Thanks for all the advice, beautiful ladies! Answers will come… it’s just my style to deal with them in hyperbolic dark humor 😜 I adore your advice. Much love xx

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